So the month of May has been actually difficult for me. It started of with me loosing my girl. That was rough yet I took it pretty well. I wanted to improve things in my life including my spiritual life but knew I could never do that while I was with her. I tried but was unsuccessful. It still sucked though because she was a friend of mine and now we’re not even that. Then a few weeks after that, I lose a really good friend of mine from school. Her and I were close. I confided in her about alot of things. And now seeing what has happened I wish I would have kept some things to myself. I feel betrayed. I really dont know all the details and she wont provide any. So I’m forced to go off of how things look. She has completely cut me off and out of her life. I dont invest time and effort into relationships unless I think they are worth it. So when something like this happens it cuts me deep. All I can do is try and heal up and move on. Its just hard when you cant get them out of your head. But despite the setbacks, I still decided that things in my life needed to be cleaned up. Pastor at church kept saying that when we are tempted God has provided a way of escape and that we are never tempted beyond what we can handle. Those words struck me with force. Then he began to say that the devil uses our past track record to tempt us, that since we fell before it might work again. So then I decided to change my track record. Its been a rough start. But ultimately if you change the way you think then the rest comes easy. You just cant quit. I’ve been doing good so far. Hopefully with God’s help I can keep it up because I still have a long way to go before I am even back to where I know I should be. I still stress about my job. I dont make enough. I’m tryin to get out of debt but its hard when you dont make enough to keep your head above water when you get it there. Something has to give. I dont know what to do. Hopefully things will get better soon. And gas needs to stop going up!!! Things can only get better, right?
With a new year comes a new chapter in my life. I’m not dating or seeing anyone, as a matter of fact I’m trying to take the time and the effort that a relationship takes and focusing it on school. I’m taking a class at San Jac this semester as a part of my plan to move forward with my education. I’m kinda nervous but excited at the same time. The class is a Criminal Justice class called Court Systems and Practices. I think it will be interesting. But with the new year comes new goals and ideas. One is I need a new job. So I put an application in at the Harris County office to be a Jailer. If I get the job I’ll be making about $5 more an hour than I do now. Also, if I do get the job I would have to cut my hair, something that has become a big part of who I am. But its ok because the length of your hair isn’t who you are, its just a feature. So I’ve come to terms with it. I’ll be going to take a test for the position some time this month. So please pray for me.
“With a new year comes new beginnings.”
Chris
So Sunday night I was driving down 646 coming home. Me and my friend John had just left the new wal-mart on 646 and 45. It was kinda foggy that night but not too bad. We were almost to my house, had just crossed South Shore Blvd. Both of us all of a sudden see this huge deer crossing the street and entering my lane. My friend John yells out. I hit the brakes and swerved in the direction of the shoulder trying to dodge the deer. It was crossing from the oncoming traffic side. I hit my brakes so hard that they locked up and caused my tires to leave skid marks. I never lost control of the car and was able to steer it off the road. In the process of doing this I still managed to hit the deer. We get out to assess the damage only to find that my driver side mirror had been knocked off leaving chips and scratches on my window and door. We found no blood and no deer for that matter. So apparently the deer, which was a doe, turned out to be ok. We walked up and down the road looking for my mirror. A League City officer even stopped to make sure we were ok and offered his help in locating the mirror. The officer found it on the other side of the street. My car is obviously driveable and I am currenlty working with my insurance company to get an estimate on the damages. It was a close call for my friend and I. The deer was huge and had we hit it there would have been a major accident and we would either both be in the hospital seriously injured or worse….possibly dead. I thank God for sparing us the worse possibilities.
“That was a close one”
Chris
So after about a year and a half I have finally had a relationship that really mattered and was with someone I truely cared about. I’m sorry that it eneded. It actually hurt quite a bit. It was only two and a half months long, but I was still able to learn alot about myself. I have had certain questions about myself that I had not been able to answer. Now I know. For the first time I was able to see the damagae the my ex Beth had done to me. Before her I had no problem trusting people, trust girls, or anything. But now I see that I have a hard time trusting girls when I’m dating them. This was something I was afraid of. I could see myself acting a certain way and doing stuff and it was like I couldn’t stop myself and I hated it. I know it will heal and get better with time. Its just so frustrating.
As far as the recent ex goes, we broke up on the 19th. It has been a long struggle for me. I’ve had to deal with rejection, “what ifs”, and a little deprression. I think I’m coming through it ok, but it has still been hard. Nobody likes break-ups. An observation my friend from work John Weeks made was that I was trying to hard. I want something, someone I thought was attractive gave me attention and so I started something. I really do think I am trying too hard. I just dont know what to do. I want to meet the person that Im going to spend the rest of my life with. Then I wont have to deal with this kind of stuff anymore. My life is not stable enough to get married but I am ready for the beginning stages: meeting them, dating for awhile, getting to know them…that sorta thing. And I know there is somebody out there for me. I do believe that. There is a new single by Nickelback called “Gotta Be someone”. Here are the lyrics:
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren’t enough
So I’ll be waiting for the real thing, I’ll know it by the feeling
The moment when we’re meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I’ll be holding my own breath, right up ’til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I’ll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There’s gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they’re not alone
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There’s gotta be somebody for me out there
Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it’s just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I’ll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I’ll spend forever with
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There’s gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they’re not alone
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There’s gotta be somebody for me out there
You can’t give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you’re holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you’re waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There’s gotta be somebody for me, ohhh
Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know their not alone
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There’s gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There’s gotta be somebody for me out there
“Ready when you are”
So I’m on vacation right now. I’ve got about two days left. I’ve been having alot of fun chillin with my family and not having to worry about stuff. We went to Kings Dominion on Friday. Thats the theme park up here in Virginia. It was the first time I had been since I was 12. It was awesome to be the annoying guest rather than the mechanic that gets called. We rode every ride except like 2. They have a water park there as well. We went there about mid-afternoon. It was alot of fun. They had a lazy river, but it was nothing like ours lol. Thurday night and Sunday evening I chilled at my aunts house and went swimming in her pool. Sunday night we cooked on the grill and she had some guests over. It was a good time of kicking back and relaxing. On Saturday I met up with my Uncle Tommy and stayed all day and night over there. He has over 200 acres of property and lives way out in the middle of nowhere. He has an awesome house! He has about 4 horses and 1 pony. He has alot of dogs and so many cats. He has chickens and a pig. He has like a mini farm goin on. But I had a good time hanging out over there. I came back to my aunts Sunday afternoon where the cookout was. Oh I almost forgot, Thursday night I met up with my dad and his new wife Susie. We went to a comedy club. It was fun. The comedians were pretty funny. The headliner was from West Virginia, so enough said right? lol I was able to keep the glass because they let you. Today I slept in a little bit later than I have been because I was able to. I had been having to wake up early to go do stuff, and today was the first day I didn’t have anything planned right off the bat. I did go and hang out with my cousins Josh and Heather. We went to lunch and I went back to there house and chilled til Josh had to go to wok. I think I’m suppose to go to dinner with my cousins April and Emily. Other than that, the rest of today and tomorrow are up in the air. Its been fun to get away. I love my family. They are the best. My cousin April is moving to Houston in September. I’m really excited about that. Well 2 more days til I come home and 3 days left of vacation. Time to go make the best of it.
Chris
So Ive gotten to a point in my life where I am frustrated with almost everything in it…..for instances, I dont like where I’m at with in my life concerning school, I’m getting to the point to where I dont like my job but instead it just aggravates me, and there is a girl I am currently talkin to and now she’s changing stuff up on me and its just stressin me out. I just dont know what to do anymore. I’m sick of workin nights at my job, but at the same time thats where the overtime is and with the price of everything going up I need the money. I’ve got vacation coming up in about 3 1/2 weeks. I’ll be going back to Virginia. Hopefully that will help with my attitude and perspective on things. I’m usually an easy going guy and usually in a good mood for the most part. But like everybody else I do have my moments. Most people can look to that one thing or special someone in their life that helps to calm them down or put them in a better mood, or helps them see the brighter side of things. I’ve been looking at my life and I get frustrated. Even the one thing that I thought was going good has now been put on hold and therefore frustrates me. I dont know what to do. I feel all alone. I never really get to have much of a social life bc of my job. I was spending time with this girl after work and stuff, but she works monday-friday like 830-430 like normal people. So if I keep her up to late shes draggin the next day. Seems I have found myself in one of life’s circles, and I dont care for it. The bad thing is I dont even know what I need to fix it or make myself feel better. I guess just time. Supposedly time fixes everything. Guess we’ll see.
Chris
So I’m leaving tomorrow at about 9:25 am, well at least thats when my plane takes off. I’m going on vacation, and I decided to spend it in Virginia with my family. Most of them I haven’t seen since I was 15. My grandparents I saw at my graduation b/c they came down for it. Well now my grandma is getting old, and I haven’t seen her in like 5 years. So I’m gonna surprise her. She doesn’t know we’re coming (my mom and I). I’m actually really excited about it too. I regret I wont be here for my boy clay’s b-day, but hopefully it will work out to where he will wait to celebrate. Either way, I wish you the best! I’ll be back home about 10:30 Wednesday night the 9th. It’s gonna be fun!
See ya when I get back!
Chris
So after having “fun” and trying to forget the pain and trouble I felt inside, after running away from all I knew to be right, after completely turning my back on God, I came a realization of where I was at. I was at a place I really didn’t want to be, and headed down a road that I fought all summer to stay off of. God used different things and people to get my attention. One of those people was my best friend Clay. He never said much about what I was doing, but by the comments he did make and through his silence I knew exactly what he thought. He basically told me I was wrong without actually saying it. He didn’t have to b/c he knew I knew better. Thanks Clay! Some people can just do a complete 180 and turn around when they so choose. I can’t. I have allowed truth back into my life. I have good desires that I haven’t felt in a while (like to do right). I am currently working on cleaning up my mouth. It is a hard struggle and I fight it everyday. But it has improved. I know I am not perfect by any means, but I am trying to get to where I use to be so that one day I can go further to bigger and better things. The teachings from my old pastor, Pastor Doug, I have never forgotten. And I use them now to guide me. The ones that know me and what I was up to, I know I disappointed, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I have removed myself from all the wrong that I was involved in, and am now in the process of surrounding myself with truth and things that are right. Always pray for me as I for you.
“Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he shall never depart from it.”
Chris
